Are you afraid to give your opinion in case someone disagrees with you?

Are you afraid to give your opinion in case someone disagrees with you?

This appears to be a growing trend for people who feel they cannot express their opinions freely either at work or in life.

It is an issue worldwide. This is not only in what are termed repressive states, where the right to free speech is not supported by Government, but also countries such as the USA, where free speech is enshrined in law. In the UK, where I write this from, there are many surveys to support this, published by respected opinion and data collectors, such as YouGov and the Fawcett Society.

I think this is very scary, for reasons of:

1. personal growth, health, happiness, career success.
2. thriving workplaces, successful businesses, organisations’ great results for their clients
3. promoting World harmony (and boy do we need that).

What is causing this trend?

Social Media and Public Scrutiny:

1. • Fear of harsh criticism, ridicule, or cyberbullying on social media.
   • Fear of severe consequences from cancel culture for expressing unpopular or controversial opinions.

Cultural Norms:

1. • In collectivist societies, fear of standing out or causing conflict.
   • Societal pressure to conform and align with the majority, discourages dissenting views.

Fear of Rejection:

1. • Desire for social acceptance inhibits individuals from speaking up.
   • Low self-esteem leads to fear of dismissal or criticism of one’s opinions.

Conflict Avoidance:

1. • Discomfort with disagreement and fear of confrontation.
   • Negative past experiences reinforce fear of future disagreements.

The work environment:

1. • Fear that dissenting opinions could jeopardize job security or professional relationships.
   • Feeling out of sync with contemporary viewpoints and fear of being perceived as outdated.
   • Raised to respect authority, leading to avoidance of challenging norms or superiors.

For young people, who developmentally feel things more acutely, there are the specific pressures of:

1. • Fear of judgment in educational settings and lack of encouragement for divergent views.
   • Intense In peer pressure to fit in discourages expressing different opinions.
   • Inexperience in handling disagreements constructively leads to anxiety

When I was  recently working in schools on a public speaking promotion project, one of the most common replies to what stopped them speaking up was:

“I am worried that people might not agree with me.”

Now, this is something that developmentally they need to work through to become grounded, well-functioning adults.

And that is something we all want and need to build up the great communication levels that make our personal and professional lives flourish.

But what encouragement is there for any of them to do anything other than just keep quiet, when the adult world is shutting down on giving their opinions freely?

When at the extreme end in the world of politics they see people bullied, threatened and even shot at, in the course of debate.

Politicians should of course be the best role models of all, as they are leading us.

Complex subject, and and this is a short blog post… However, I have a suggestion as to how we can make it safer for people to be able to have their opinion and also learn to tolerate those of others.

In America, when presidential candidate Donald Trump was shot at, and a spectator at his rally was killed, it was suggested that the language and tone of voice used in both campaigns had become too personally abusive and violent.

Everyone (for a day at least) said that they should dial down the rhetoric.

I say, learn the difference between speaking from the heart and ranting.

What is the difference?

In one way, they are the same. It is when you have an opinion or standpoint, and you want to convince others of it.

However:

Ranting is when you blast through with your opinion, and you are going to brook no dissenters. You are going to bully your way through what you say. You are going to shout, and you are going to say that anything other than your view is wrong. You put a metaphorical screen up between you and audience, because you aren’t going to cut any opposing views any slack. You are about burning bridges, if your audience doesn’t immediately scuttle across to your side. You don’t want to win hearts, you want to dominate.

Speaking from the heart is when you want to reach other people to convince them of your view by speaking with passion and commitment, from a place where you want to touch the hearts and minds of your audience. You use a tone of voice that excites, you want to be heard, so you project your voice to stimulate thoughts from your audience. You are about opening them up to your ideas, and not shutting them down if they don’t immediately agree.

When you rant, you blow any chance of a bridge between you and your audience. If they disagree, then there will be nothing but conflict and/or fear between you.

When you speak from the heart you are building a bridge which may well take people with you. You have chances of convincing, because you are talking to them, and not at them. Even if they don’t finally agree with you, there will be respect, which means that each side can more easily tolerate the other.

Ranting is no communication at all. It is cowardly.

Speaking from the heart is great communication. It is strength.

Right from when our children are in school I believe that true, inclusive and vibrant oratory should be taught for the personal and public good.

My mission is to enable people to be able to become expert communicators, so that they can be seen and heard, and equally see and hear others. Even when under pressure.

I believe this is essential for professional and personal health.

What say you?

If you would like to find out more about my coaching and training services contact me via email at Fiona Whytehead, or book a discovery call.

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